Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Thank You Baby Girl....

My Sweet Little Girl,

You know, I know Sunday was truely a blessing and a message from you and God. I had such a rough morning at church considering that Easter Sunday was supposed to be the day that you were dedicated to the Lord. I was a wreck at church, but finally got myself together for your sister's egg hunt. Right before dinner, I decided to take a pregnancy test before I got back on some meds the doc prescribed me. I was just about to throw that test away when the faintest little line popped up. I couldnt believe it, so I took another one....This time it was darker. I am still in shock, but still so anxious. Easter couldnt have been a better day to get this news. I know that you were with me Sunday. You have picked out your little brother or sister so lets just make sure he or she gets here safe. Please know that this baby will never take your place. You, little girl will be with me forever. I love and miss you so much and wish you were here with me so bad.

Until next time, I love you baby girl!


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

More & More...


So I have had a hard time these past couple days. David & Alison had their baby Sunday night and of course your Daddy volunteered us to go to the hospital to see them. It broke my heart to even have to look at another baby. Ally kept asking if we were going to see you. I wish we were. I wish I was living in some sort of nitemare and all of this wasnt real and that you were here with me. The thing that upset me the most was that Alison didn't even seem happy. If that was me, I would have been shouting from the roof top! I just dont get it sometimes. I miss you more and more everyday baby girl. Know that part of me will always be with you. Until next time, I love you!!


Monday, March 16, 2009

8 Months

My Dearest Ava,

Today marks 8 months since you were born sleeping. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday. This morning I woke up thinking back on how excited we were when we found out that we were having another little girl. I bought you and Ally so many matching dresses and Ally was so excited. I know that you are probably having so much fun in Heaven, but it still hurts so much to know that you cant be here with me. Please stay close to me today, I love you sweetheart!!


A special person introduced me to this song today not knowing what today meant to me. You know who you are and thank you. :)

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s aday when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Wednesday, March 11, 2009


My Precious Angel,

I get to work this morning and I check my email....Your Aunt Shell has sent me a message saying that your MawMaw has had a dream that I was pregnant. This is the 3rd person in the past month that has had a dream like this. Could this just be a fluke or is this real? Regardless, I wont be able to find out until some time next week. Please stay close darlin. If you have picked you out a little brother or sister, keep an eye out on them. We love you little girl!!


Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Baby Girl

You know, here lately I am having a hard time accepting other people's opinions. It upsets me that people are scared to bring you up or talk about you in general conversation. You are still my daughter even though you arent here with us, so why dont they understand that? Some people just look at me when I talk about you like, "Arent you over that already?". What do you say to that? Should I just bluntly say that unless you've lost a child that you have no idea what I am going through or should I just keep quiet? All I know is that losing you was and I know will always be the hardest thing I have ever gone through. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about you. Right now you would probably be my little vaccum cleaner crawling around picking up every little piece of something that could enter your mouth. In a couple of weeks you would be attending your big sister's birthday party eating cake and making everybody smile. Oh, how I wish we could live through these moments instead of just thinking of them. I love you Ava so very much. We all wish you were here with us. Until next time, I love and miss you more and more everyday!!


Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, that something stopped my heart. I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I loved you from the start.
Although my body you cannot hold, it doesn’t mean I’m gone, This world was not worthy of me; God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, what you are forced to face, You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it wasn’t “meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes”, But that won’t soften your worst blow, or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do, another child you’ll bear, Believe me when I say to you, that I am always there.
There’ll come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand, Stroke my face, and kiss my lips, and then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes, That doesn’t mean I never “was”; an angel never dies.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Help Me Get Through This

My Precious Baby Girl,

Please don't think that I have forgotten about you. So much has been going on around here that I havent really had much time to sit down and write. We sent you balloons on Christmas. I hope you liked them all. Everyone in the family sent one up with a message. It didnt feel right without you here. We all missed you so much. I hope you had a wonderful 1st Christmas. Ally talks about you all of the time. Sometimes she tells me that you are in her room and she shows me which toys you both share. For a while, I felt lost because I didnt feel you near. Right when I started feeling alone, Ally let me know that you were with her.

I just found out that I am losing my job. My last day will be the 16th. That will mark 6 months since you grew your wings and its just a day before my birthday. Please see me through this and help me to be strong.

Until next time, I love you more than you will ever know.


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

5 Months Today

My Dearest Ava,

Its been 5 months today, but feels like an eternity. I miss you so much. I just wish I could hold you and tell you I love you face to face one last time. I make sure that memories of you are in every room in our house so we know that you are with us where ever we are. Ally still talks about you alot. I know that she wishes you two could play together.

I hope you like the Christmas tree and little snowman that I put at your resting spot. I know it isnt much, but I thought you would like it.

Until next time, I love you baby girl!