Thank You Baby Girl....

My Sweet Little Girl,

You know, I know Sunday was truely a blessing and a message from you and God. I had such a rough morning at church considering that Easter Sunday was supposed to be the day that you were dedicated to the Lord. I was a wreck at church, but finally got myself together for your sister's egg hunt. Right before dinner, I decided to take a pregnancy test before I got back on some meds the doc prescribed me. I was just about to throw that test away when the faintest little line popped up. I couldnt believe it, so I took another one....This time it was darker. I am still in shock, but still so anxious. Easter couldnt have been a better day to get this news. I know that you were with me Sunday. You have picked out your little brother or sister so lets just make sure he or she gets here safe. Please know that this baby will never take your place. You, little girl will be with me forever. I love and miss you so much and wish you were here with me so bad.

Until next time, I love you baby girl!

XOXOXOXOXOXO,
Mommy

More & More...

Ava,

So I have had a hard time these past couple days. David & Alison had their baby Sunday night and of course your Daddy volunteered us to go to the hospital to see them. It broke my heart to even have to look at another baby. Ally kept asking if we were going to see you. I wish we were. I wish I was living in some sort of nitemare and all of this wasnt real and that you were here with me. The thing that upset me the most was that Alison didn't even seem happy. If that was me, I would have been shouting from the roof top! I just dont get it sometimes. I miss you more and more everyday baby girl. Know that part of me will always be with you. Until next time, I love you!!

XOXOXO,
Mommy

8 Months

My Dearest Ava,

Today marks 8 months since you were born sleeping. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday. This morning I woke up thinking back on how excited we were when we found out that we were having another little girl. I bought you and Ally so many matching dresses and Ally was so excited. I know that you are probably having so much fun in Heaven, but it still hurts so much to know that you cant be here with me. Please stay close to me today, I love you sweetheart!!

XOXOXO,
Mommy

A special person introduced me to this song today not knowing what today meant to me. You know who you are and thank you. :)

Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s aday when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE: I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

Dreams...

My Precious Angel,



I get to work this morning and I check my email....Your Aunt Shell has sent me a message saying that your MawMaw has had a dream that I was pregnant. This is the 3rd person in the past month that has had a dream like this. Could this just be a fluke or is this real? Regardless, I wont be able to find out until some time next week. Please stay close darlin. If you have picked you out a little brother or sister, keep an eye out on them. We love you little girl!!

XOXOXOXO,
Mommy

My Baby Girl

You know, here lately I am having a hard time accepting other people's opinions. It upsets me that people are scared to bring you up or talk about you in general conversation. You are still my daughter even though you arent here with us, so why dont they understand that? Some people just look at me when I talk about you like, "Arent you over that already?". What do you say to that? Should I just bluntly say that unless you've lost a child that you have no idea what I am going through or should I just keep quiet? All I know is that losing you was and I know will always be the hardest thing I have ever gone through. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont think about you. Right now you would probably be my little vaccum cleaner crawling around picking up every little piece of something that could enter your mouth. In a couple of weeks you would be attending your big sister's birthday party eating cake and making everybody smile. Oh, how I wish we could live through these moments instead of just thinking of them. I love you Ava so very much. We all wish you were here with us. Until next time, I love and miss you more and more everyday!!

XOXOXOXO,
Mommy

Don’t let them say I wasn’t born, that something stopped my heart. I felt each tender squeeze you gave, I loved you from the start.
Although my body you cannot hold, it doesn’t mean I’m gone, This world was not worthy of me; God chose that I move on.
I know the pain that drowns your soul, what you are forced to face, You have my word, I’ll fill your arms, someday we will embrace.
You’ll hear that it wasn’t “meant to be, God doesn’t make mistakes”, But that won’t soften your worst blow, or make your heart not ache.
I’m watching over all you do, another child you’ll bear, Believe me when I say to you, that I am always there.
There’ll come a time, I promise you, when you will hold my hand, Stroke my face, and kiss my lips, and then you’ll understand.
Although I’ve never breathed your air, or gazed into your eyes, That doesn’t mean I never “was”; an angel never dies.

Help Me Get Through This

My Precious Baby Girl,


Please don't think that I have forgotten about you. So much has been going on around here that I havent really had much time to sit down and write. We sent you balloons on Christmas. I hope you liked them all. Everyone in the family sent one up with a message. It didnt feel right without you here. We all missed you so much. I hope you had a wonderful 1st Christmas. Ally talks about you all of the time. Sometimes she tells me that you are in her room and she shows me which toys you both share. For a while, I felt lost because I didnt feel you near. Right when I started feeling alone, Ally let me know that you were with her.

I just found out that I am losing my job. My last day will be the 16th. That will mark 6 months since you grew your wings and its just a day before my birthday. Please see me through this and help me to be strong.

Until next time, I love you more than you will ever know.

XOXOXO,
Mommy

5 Months Today

My Dearest Ava,

Its been 5 months today, but feels like an eternity. I miss you so much. I just wish I could hold you and tell you I love you face to face one last time. I make sure that memories of you are in every room in our house so we know that you are with us where ever we are. Ally still talks about you alot. I know that she wishes you two could play together.

I hope you like the Christmas tree and little snowman that I put at your resting spot. I know it isnt much, but I thought you would like it.

Until next time, I love you baby girl!

XOXOXO,
Mommy

Everyday...

My Sweet Baby Girl,

I'm sorry it's been a while since I have last wrote you. This doesnt mean that I have forgotten about you so please dont let that cross your mind. I still think about you each and every day. Christmas is coming so fast and I wish so much that you were here. I know that you will be celebrating your first Christmas with Jesus this year. Some people here forget what Christmas is all about and I am so glad that you will learn first hand the true meaning of the holiday. Stay close to Mommy sweetheart. I need you more than ever.

I Love and Miss You!

XOXOXO,
Mommy

Happy Thanksgiving

My Angel Ava,

Today is Thanksgiving Day and I really wish you were here. I felt you close to me today and it made the day much better. The whole family sent you balloons today. The sky lit up with pink balloons looked absolutely beautiful just like you. Make sure you catch 'em baby girl. They were sent with loads of love.

I made your stocking today to hang up with ours on the mantle. Just because you are not here doesn't mean that you are not a part of our family. One day we will all meet again in Heaven. I know that you are safe and that's all that matters.

Until next time, I love you and miss you more than you will ever know.

XOXOXO,
Mommy

Rainbow Baby

My Sweet Little Angel,

Your sissy and I put up the Christmas tree this weekend and all I could think about was you. I wondered what your expression would have been when we first turned the lights on. Wide eyed? Would you have cried? All I know is I miss you more and more everyday. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you. Your Daddy and I picked out a stone to go in your flower garden. It fits your perfectly. Thanksgiving is this week and we are sending you balloons. Make sure you catch them, especially Ally's.

I also want you to know that your Daddy and I have decided to have another baby. Please understand that if God allows us to have another, this baby will not replace you. You will always have a piece of me with you and I know that you are near. Whenever you feel the time comes, pick you out a little brother or sister and try and make sure they get here safely. Until next time, I love you baby girl

A million times we've needed you
A million times we have cried,
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In Life we loved you dearly
in death we love you still,
For in our hearts you hold
A place no one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you did not go alone,
For a part of us went with you
the day God took you home.

XOXOXOXOXO,
Mommy

I Need You

My Dearest Ava,

I felt you so close to me yesterday and I really needed it. Your Grandma Shelia had surgery yesterday and that was the first time I had set foot in the hospital since I lost you. I was surrounded by pregnant women rubbing their swollen bellys and all I wanted to do was just let go and cry my eyes out. I stayed strong and it was because I knew you were with me. When I went to your Grandma's room last nite, I walked past a dark, silent room and I noticed it had a flower with a tear drop on the door. I just wanted to run in and give that woman a hug. I knew what she was going through all too well and it will always be fresh in my mind. Ava, I want you to know that you have changed me. Your tiny little soul has formed me into a stronger woman than I was before. I don't take things for granted anymore. As I walk outside, I let the wind blow through my hair without caring what it makes it look like, I stop and soak in the scenery, all of the these things I never did before. I thank you for all of this my little angel. More than you will ever know.
I Love and Miss you Everyday!!
XOXOXO,
Mommy

Thinking Of You

My Precious Ava,

The past few days have been hard for me, but I have felt you near by. I had a hard time going to sleep last night because it felt like you were laying right next to me. I just didn't want to let you go. I go through my days wondering what you would be doing now if you were here with us. I just ache to hear your giggles and see your beautiful smile.

I planted the first flowers in your flower garden yesterday. They will bloom in spring and that is when we will finish the area. I have picked out the bird bath and Daddy found a bench that you will love. I cannot wait to see it finished.

I bought you a little doll Saturday that I may send up to you with some balloons. I know you will like it because Ally really did. :)

Until next time baby girl, I love you and miss you more and more every day!

XOXOXO,
Mommy

I Really Needed This Today

I walk with you my mommy dear,
I'm always with you, always near.
Just look behind as steps you take,
And see my footprints that I make.
They're in your heart when you're asleep,
You feel me kicking when you weep?
I walk with you when you are sad,
But I am happiest when you're glad.
I'm never far away from you,
I'm here in everything you do.
I walk with you if you're in pain,
I steady and help you up again.
And when on earth God calls you high,
I'll light the way mommy, to His sky.
God says I'm a gift mom, purer than gold,
He sent me to love you until you grow old.
You're blessed with an angel from Him above,
You gave me life, and we give you love.
I walk with you for eternity,
I am your angel, mommy look at me!


I love you Baby Girl!!
XOXOXO,
Mommy

Missing You

My Dearest Ava,

I just want you to know how much you are loved and missed. I think about you all of the time. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about you and wish you were here for me to hold. As the holidays approach, it is going to be so hard without you here. Please be close to me. I need that more than ever. Saturday will be 4 months and it seems like such an eternity. I sometimes can still feel you kicking in my tummy and I look down only to see nothing. I know you are safe in Heaven and I look forward to the day that I will be able to hold you again.

I love you baby girl and miss you more than ever!

XOXOXO,
Mommy